The Benevolent Guardians: A Satire on Western Patronage in Africa

 



How fortunate we Africans are! Our Western guardians, ever so generous, treat us as perpetual children—sightless and deaf to our own realities. They graciously see for us (for what could we possibly perceive?), hear for us (though we dare claim to listen), and even think for us (democracy, after all, means never troubling our minds with self-determination). Such selfless parenting!

The "Gift" of Control:

What began as colonial extraction—disguised as a "give-and-take (where taking outweighed giving) —evolved into a modern creed: "Take what we offer, or face the consequences." Benevolence today wears the face of coercion. Our guardians decree what we buy, who leads us, even whom we love. Their democracy: a velvet-gloved autocracy.

The Science of Division:

With scholarly fervor, they taught us to fracture ourselves. Race? A"vital" taxonomy: Negroes, Whites, Yellows—as if humanity were paint samples. Ethnicity? An obsession: Hutu/Tutsi, Amhara/Oromo—ancient bonds reduced to colonial case studies. Even gender, once simple, became a labyrinth of LGBTQ+ labels (with more "discoveries" promised!). All in the name of progress—yet mysteriously fostering discord.

#NoMore: The Reckoning:
Enough. When Ethiopia said #NoMore, Africa reclaimed adulthood. We reject: The myth of Western omniscience, "Democracy "that silences our voices, Unity slandered as "terrorism" in their Redbook, and the poison of imported divisions.

The New Paradigm:
The highway is ours now. To the West: Pack your paternalism and leave—or learn humility. "#NoMore" means: Respect our sovereignty, Listen before you lecture, Collaborate as equals—not custodians.

Africa’s message is crystalline: Partnership or departure. The choice is yours.

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